Step aside Congressman Matt Gaetz, Florida man personified, you’ve got real competition now.
The cast of ding-a-ling characters in the state is getting a major infusion of fresh specimens as a result of the 2020 election.
GOP-friendly Florida, the big loser, inherits the Trumps as residents.
The ex-president (feels good to say that, exhaling) will reside in stately Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach and indications are that daughter Ivanka, husband Jared Kushner and their children have plans to head farther south.
They just plunked down $30 million for a plot of land on Indian Creek, an island village in Miami-Dade County.
It’s supposedly not only a move to be close to daddy.
CNN reported, quoting a source who works with the family, that the first daughter has big political ambitions — like a future run for the governorship of Florida, experience apparently not required although residency is, at least seven years.
Trump show in Florida
So brace yourselves, Floridians: Here comes “The Trumps Take Over Florida,” a new reality show starring the defeated, lying, narcissist ex-president and his entitled children.
We might as well laugh, people.
What’s the alternative?
Besides the sunny weather, the soon-to-be former occupants of the White House are attracted by the friendly accommodations made to conspiracy theorists, coronavirus deniers, and those with a healthy appetite for good old-fashioned corruption.
Your show host: The Republican Party of Florida.
The plot has been laid out well into 2024.
Supporting characters — filming location, Miami — are still auditioning.
But they will surely include, according to Facebook friends in-the-know: Lolita Caravana leading the red car, flag-waving caravan on the Turnpike from Miami to Palm Beach for a weekend bash at Mar-a-Lago and Pepe Ota at Versailles haunting for commie sympathizers, or Democrats, or anyone with a camera willing to turn a clown into an “influencer.”
Democrats laughed at these characters in 2020, but they made Trump’s victory possible, if only in very special Floriduh, which annexed territory in Miami-Dade during the last four years.
They’ll be good for a few more laughs in 2021 and beyond.
Roles for DeSantis, Gaetz
Presiding over the made-for-TV show, master of ceremonies of the political revelry: Gov. Ron DeSantis, who has collected an impressive list of nicknames for his disastrous handling of the pandemic, the latest #DeathDeSantis, twice trending on Twitter this week.
Ron DeSastre also has unleashed an all-too-real plot to make Florida the first Fascist police state in the union, where protesters are criminalized.
He’s not funny at all, really, unless you count his campaign commercial using his small children, playing with toy blocks, to plug Trump’s wall — or his mask-less high-fiving Trump supporters at a Sanford rally then wiping his nose.
Come to think of it, DeSantis has outdone Gaetz, who cinched the No. 1 spot with his bizarre fixation on Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Gaetz made his Bronx colleague a household name in Florida.
Then, he threatened Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, who was spilling the beans on the president, and made fun of the coronavirus by wearing a gas mask on Capitol Hill.
Full disclosure: I’m partial to Gaetz’s leading man role as “Florida man” incarnate since he pronounced my name perfectly on Fox News.
But moving forward, between DeSantis, Gaetz, and the ex-president alone, the Trump show scenes will just write themselves.
Last but not least, there’s immigrant “be best” Melania, who will hopefully be happier now that her first lady contract expires. Pandemic or not, with her living in the state, the paparazzi won’t be filing for unemployment in Florida’s tightwad system.
See, the Trumps could even be a boon to Florida, no need to hire expensive Pitbull to do a commercial.
Be positive, Florida
There’s a handy expression in Spanish that comes to mind: “al mal tiempo, buena cara.”
It advises to put on a brave face in stormy weather.
The hurricane looming is that we’re far from done with the Trumps in the Sunshine State — or his influence on the Republican Party, the lasting ill.
The really, really good news is that the rest of the country knew better.
The White House is safe.
Florida, getting its just desserts, inherits the clown.